Thursday 14 June 2018

Facebore, Instaglam and that old chestnut comparison

I blame Bebo. It was the gateway drug. A place where you could talk to your friends, tell the world about yourself and upload low-quality photos all in one place? 17 year old me approved. It spiralled from there. Though I wasn't quite cool enough for Myspace, I made an account anyway, emo fringe and raccoon eyed profile picture unfortunately not included. And then came along this little site called Facebook and poor Bebo, once so beloved, was cast aside like the 2005 relic it has become. Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat - I got them all and slowly, before I knew it was really happening, I became addicted.

People always talk about social media addiction with a wry smile and an exasperated eye roll. It's a socially accepted 'addiction', like chocolate and caffeine, not a real addiction that will control you and mess up your life. I know I wasn't addicted in the true, dictionary-definition of the word, but when I found myself scrolling mindlessly through my Facebook feed and opening Instagram multiple times a day for no real reason, I knew that I was deep down that rabbit hole.

Somewhere down the line social media has changed - globally - from a place to connect with your friends to a platform on which the world views you. Instagram models, bloggers, fitness coaches, 'influencers' and the like now use social media as a job, making millions of dollars off advertising to their millions of followers. Everyone is so careful to curate an acceptable image of themselves. We all know that social media is just a front, a filtered snapshot of a fabulous life, hiding the real, mundane day-to-day behind. But it's so very easy to forget that as we scroll, scroll, scroll through our news feeds, perfect people with perfect lives pouting out at us through our tiny phone screens.

I have a complicated relationship with social media. In some ways it is a joy to me. It allows me instant communication with people I don't get to see often in real life. It lets me feel like I'm getting to watch my niece and nephew grow up through pictures and videos. I get to see my friends flourish, I get to celebrate with them as they get engaged, get job promotions, have babies and generally live awesome lives. I get to keep my life documented in photos, so I can look back and remember the wonderful times I've had. I like to communicate and social media is a fantastic way of doing this.

And yet...

And yet. And yet. And yet.

Without meaning to, the little liar called comparison often creeps up beside me and infiltrates my thoughts, filling my mind with negative whispers about myself and my worth.

Wow, that person's art/baking/writing/photography is so great! They are far more talented than you'll ever be. Why do you even bother trying to be creative, you untalented hack. 

She looks stunning in this picture, she's so very beautiful. Far more beautiful than you'll ever be. Why do you even bother posting photos of yourself, you hideous swamp monster.

Oh, they seem to be having the best time on holiday! Your life is boring. Why aren't you paddle boarding in Fiji, rather than sitting in bed with your laptop. You've wasted your life. 

Maybe you can relate. Maybe for you it's those blogger mums with the perfect house and kids, while your little darling hasn't given you more than two hours of sleep in a row and you haven't showered in three days. Maybe it's that acquaintance with the really great job who's constantly travelling to exciting places while the most fun you've had in your job recently was that time Karen from accounting brought in Krispy Kreme doughnuts. And you begin to wonder why your life isn't like that. Or why you're not as good as that person. Why they have it all together and you don't. It's all lies of course. Vicious, vicious lies. Not only the fact that their lives aren't perfect, but the fact that just because someone is good at something, means that you're worthless in comparison.

Someone else being successful doesn't mean you're a failure.
Someone else being beautiful doesn't mean you're ugly.
Someone else having fun doesn't mean you're boring.

I'm so tired of it (I'm posting about being somewhat tired of social media while posting this on social media. I'm aware of the irony). I'm tired of the pressure to look good, to have it all together but I'm also tired of the impulse social media brings to compare my life and myself with others, rather than  appreciating my own journey.

I fasted social media for a few weeks a while ago and while I definitely missed it in some ways, in other ways I felt so free. I felt mentally better about myself and my life and I had so much more time for doing things I liked (reading! writing! baking!), rather than just wasting time on my phone. This isn't some grand proclamation about how my fast made me want to leave social media forever. Far from it. I went back to that well. I'll continue go back there, though I know sometimes I'll need to sit back and take some time out. But I'm going to make a concentrated effort for social media to become something else. I want it to be that place where I get inspired by people excelling in their own way. I want it to be a place of comfort - where I can keep up to date with my awesome friends and how fantastically they are doing - rather than a place where I feel inadequate.

So if you, like me, struggle occasionally (or hey, maybe frequently), why not make the decision to join me with this. Let's use social media as a place not to push our opinions down others throats, judge or try to impress, but to share our lives and share in our friends lives. Let's celebrate each other, our joys and successes and dreams, without tearing each other or ourselves down.



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